When venting becomes unhealthy: a devotional

A few years ago, in the midst of a difficult life season, I found myself venting to my closest people. I ranted, sending daily texts laced with anger and annoyance—not at them but at the crazy circumstances around me. And I felt justified in complaining because everything I was saying was true. 

Sometimes, venting helped. I put words to the hurt I experienced and sought insight from others who knew me and knew my situation. They were able to offer encouragement, advice, and prayer at a time I needed it most.

Sometimes, I complained about the same things over and over, knowing there was no way to fix the circumstances and feeling compelled to hash it out on repeat. But venting on repeat isn’t healthy. Rehearsing grievances stirs up anger in unhealthy ways and leads to bitterness and resentment. Untempered venting can easily turn into pride, slander, and hostility.

I was knee-deep in a venting mood when one of my prayer warriors wisely pushed back and reminded me that I was “called upon for greater forbearance.”

Forbearance? It’s not a word we use often. In fact, I did an internet search to make sure I was understanding it correctly. Then I found the following verse that hit me with a gut punch: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone…” (Colossians 3:13, NIV).

I had grievances. I had lots of grievances. I felt justified in my anger and frustration, and I wanted people to know about it. But it was unforgiving of me to rehash the hurts over and over in words that made me feel justified. And if I am to “bear with” others, it means I need to forgive even when my anger is justified.

It’s worth repeating: We are called to forgive even when our anger is justified.

And isn’t that usually the case? If we are forgiving someone, that means they’ve done something wrong. So isn’t our anger justified? Probably, which is why the last part of the verse is so necessary: “...Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forbearance isn’t just forgiveness; it’s putting on God’s bulletproof body armor so that each blow—although it hurts—doesn’t take me out. Then I can rest in the reality of His love and His protection, even in moments when others are hurting me.

My heart sank as I realized that I was harboring so much bitterness and anger, as if I had any right to hold onto these, knowing how much God has forgiven me. Pride crumbled into humility, and anger gave way to understanding.

My capacity had ended long before this new awareness, but it was replaced with God’s capacity. His capacity offers forgiveness. It paints the bigger picture. It triggers gratitude. It offers grace and supports healthy boundaries. It has the wisdom to know when to confront and when to let go. 

Now, when I find myself in another complaint cycle stuck on repeat, I practice a few deep breath prayers with "God I am (inhale)...called to love (exhale)." I remember that forbearance is part of the call to surrender to His will and to love my neighbor as myself.

No amount of hurt from others absolves me of the call to love others.